The art of rest

Or: How to look after yourself without feeling guilty

“We can either control ourselves or love ourselves, but we can’t do both” — Glennon Doyle

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It is a truth universally acknowledged that, in 2025, if you’re a girl or woman with even an ounce, a hint, a thread of perfectionism in you, it’s almost impossible to rest without guilt. Because there’s always so much to do. So many ways to improve. To be better. To rise before the sun and grind your own coffee beans, and then yourself, into the ground, for an entire day spent in the office before coming home to cook a full, nutritious meal and also clean the house and host a dinner party and go to a yoga class, all whilst simultaneously glowing up and bringing your weight down because god forbid you look imperfect. We’re bombarded with ways to improve, all the time: on Instagram, and TikTok, and tube adverts, and self-help quotes and even Pinterest pictures of sleek, tanned abs and fresh flowers and bouncy, blown-out hair.

We all know why this is: patriarchal standards x consumerism x social media = never feeling as though what we’re doing is enough, and therefore never feeling as though we can step off the treadmill of amelioration, even for a second, or we might ‘fall behind’ or ‘let ourselves go’ (whatever that means).

photos: me (on the one day I wore proper clothes instead of just athleisure!!)

So: take the break. Because if you don’t, the break might very well take you.

On that note, here’s your comprehensive guide to looking after yourself without feeling guilty.

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Find a comfort artist

This could be anyone, from your favourite author to even a YouTuber who you love. The thing is, engaging with this person’s art – or content – should make you feel a certain way. Interested, perhaps, or seen. Held, and maybe even slightly inspired. Mine are Taylor Swift (no surprises there), Dolly Alderton, and Zadie Smith. I have so many more, but these are the artists I most consistently return to, when I’m not feeling myself. I love listening to Dolly and Zadie’s interviews (if you type their names into Spotify, so many options come up), and I’ve read everything either woman has ever published. It’s hard to define why this is – I find their thinking expansive, challenging and comforting in equal measure, which is a rare combination. And when I think about these times outside of time – in sickness, or in shock, or grief – I go back to these quotes, which I inspire me when I’m not sure exactly where to start, when it comes to resting without guilt:

“Lucid dreams like electricity, the current flies through me and in my dreams, I rise above it, and way up there, I actually love it” – Taylor Swift

“I am always half in life, half in a fantastical version of it in my head” - Dolly Alderton

It’s easy, they seem to tell me. Discover your own secret garden and live – if only for a week or two – in your very own fantastical version of life. A soft life, perhaps. One of toast, and sleep, and tea, and cold walks along the sea edge on a Saturday afternoon. A life outside of life. A brief respite in which all that matters is sleeping well and eating well and perhaps laughing well, too. In which the only measure by which you judge yourself is lack of judgement. In which you allow yourself to rest.

Learn to escape (find something to binge)

I don’t mean food, I mean entertainment. A book, or a TV show, or – preferably – both. Because having something to absorb your mind, to take you to its own secret gardens and introduce you to whole worlds and characters outside of you is one of the best ways to take care of yourself. I’ve collated a list of my favourite bingeable series and books below, for you to screenshot.