Notes On: In Defence Of Being 'Dull', Why You Don't Need A 'Glow Up' and Your September Recap
'No need to hurry, no need to sparkle, no need to be anybody but oneself'
Dear Noters,
In the words of Henry David Thoreau: “October is the month of painted leaves.” Which is to say: it is the only month, really, that truly transforms the world into a canvas. When just stepping outside feels like hopping into a painting, Mary Poppins style.
Which is also to say: October is my favourite month. It’s my birthday month, which might have something to do with it. But it’s also a time for bright red oversized jumpers, for long walks and cashmere and toasted marshmallows and candle-lit wine evenings and nurturing conversations with old friends. It’s for loafers, and velvet, and trench coats, and pretending to be a Meg Ryan character in a Nora Ephron film. It’s for hazelnut, and maple, and cinnamon spiced everything. It’s for burgundy manicures and blunt bob cuts and fire-side afternoons with hardback books and caramel chocolate. (Can you tell I’m excited?).
For me, September was about relaxation. I spent a full week in the North York Moors, beside a fire, with lots of biscuits and glasses of white and a huge pile of books. We hiked. We ate sandwiches from hilltops. We left our phones at home. We stood beside a roiling sea and eased our way into autumn. It was delightful. Which means: my recommendations/thoughts this month are weighted slightly towards the ‘Texts’ side (because damn, did I read some incredible books).
For the newcomers: welcome. This newsletter is intended to be read in a very specific way: with your Sunday morning coffee. It’s a snapshot from my Notes App (thoughts on pop culture and society and romanticising and everything in-between) structured in an anagram of ‘Notes’: N is for Noteworthy, O is for obsessing, T for texts, E for educated by and S for saved. I hope you love it.
Noteworthy
‘Oh, How I Love Being A [Dull] Woman!’
For Culture Vulture, a subset of Shit You Should Care About, Emma Kumagawa wrote a piece entitled: ‘the dull women’s club’ about a Facebook group she stumbled across called, well, you probably saw this coming: ‘Dull Women’s Club.’
In the piece, she describes this move towards ‘slow’ to be ‘an act of rebellion against a society that says fast is the only way.’ She continues: ‘No matter where we fall on the introvert-extrovert spectrum, there’s always the societal whisper of “go, go, go.”’ (Yes, yes, yes, I whispered, as I read).
Scrolling on the page itself, two words appear frequently: peaceful and content. There are photos of cats in pumpkins; posts about percolators and coffee grinds; grey windows with the simple caption: ‘listening to the rain in bed.’
And these women are, of course, far from dull. They’re quirky and funny and intelligent and hard-working and creative. They collect vintage magazines; they take home chickens from the side of the street to care for them (‘Chuck the silkie’ is an incredibly un-dull name), they bungee jump and dance at festivals and grip life with a kind of fierce embrace.
But they also find joy in the small things. They make soup, and jam. They repair a dryer they’ve had since 1977 and post it, triumphant, on the group. Many of them have already raised children – and grandchildren.
One of them writes, quite simply: “The drama in my life was nearly half a century ago. It’s been blessedly dull for the last 44+ years.” In other words: they transform – and reclaim – the word ‘dull’. To them, ‘dull’ doesn’t mean lacking interest, or excitement, or brightness, or intensity. Instead, it means striving for peace, and contentment, and frequent bouts of joy. And in a world that spins to the tune of capitalism, of striving for excellence and achievement-as-reason-for-being, it’s a poignant reminder to slow down, to embrace the dull. You can find the page here.
Why You Don’t Need A Glow Up (Promise)
Earlier this week, Dazed published an article called: ‘The makeover trap: How we all got addicted to the glow-up.’ Tracking its development from those iconic 2000s movies like Devil Wears Prada and Mean Girls, Juno Kelly investigates why everyone seems to be on a ‘journey of aesthetic self-actualisation’ right now.
She writes: ‘On the internet, everyone seems to be pre or post-makeover: Women are posting themselves on TikTok asking to be critiqued, while dedicated accounts like @glowsupgal are guiding them through aesthetic transformations.’
It’s been drilled into our us from a very early age, if we think about it, messaging about how to be hotter, prettier, more attractive with articles like ‘How To Get Abs In Twelve Days’ in every magazine and makeover scenes in every noughties teen film. It’s a tale as old as time – or as old as Cinderella, as Kelly points out. The Ugly Duckling transforms, magnificently and in the nick of time, to don a dress and sparkle her way towards a guy who has never not been attractive. (Because men, of course, don’t need makeovers).
There’s something alluring about the glow up, not just because there’s something alluring about amelioration (read: perfectionism, capitalism, societal expectation, etc), but also because of, uhh, the male gaze.
It’s so woven into the fabric of our society that it’s almost impossible to disengage: do we wear make-up because we really want to? I’m not so sure. We wear it not if not for men, then for ourselves because we’ve been indoctrinated to believe it makes us more beautiful. The male gaze lives within us all. (‘You are a woman with a man inside watching a woman. You are your own voyeur’). Love that for us!
As Laura Pitcher writes: ‘In a society where losing weight can boost a woman’s salary by as much as obtaining a master’s degree and people are treated better by strangers post–plastic surgery, it’s easy to see how “glowing up” can feel like opening a door to a different life.’
But the thing is, according to The Cut, some women are throwing off the shackles of continuous aesthetic self-improvement. After spending thousands of dollars and gaining millions of subscribers for her ‘Glow Up Diaries’ on YouTube, influencer Alivia D’Andrea announced that glowing up had ruined her life: “I poured all my love and attention into the idealised version of myself,” she says, “while neglecting and mistreating the person I was in the present moment.”
And right now, ‘glowing down’ content is apparently having a moment (remember how Molly Mae and Kylie Jenner dissolved their filler?).
But of course, a ‘glow down’ is really just a glow up in sheep’s clothing. (They may be removing filler, but are they not doing so to achieve a more ‘natural’ kind of beauty?)
Which leads me to question: do we need to glow in any direction? Would it be possible, perhaps, for us to work on glowing internally, or just not on work on glowing at all?
In the words of Virginia Woolf: ‘No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anybody but oneself.’ No need to sparkle; no need to glow.
The more I exist in this world, and the more I write about how it feels to exist in this world, the more I realise that one of the hardest things to be, in 2024, is yourself, without the perpetual movement of self-improvement. To walk (not for exercise, but for joy); to read (not to be ‘well-read’ but to be swept away by a story); to eat (not to lose weight, or have good skin, but to hold tastes on your tongue); just to be.
Some might call that dull. I call it contentment.
Obsessing
Cinnamon buns
Hazelnut lattes
Meg Wolitzer
Ballet flats
This ‘Meg Ryan Autumn’ inspired playlist
The colour burgundy
Unexpected thrift-shop finds
Statement coats, and scarves, and boots
Finding artists like Maxine McCrann (I am totally and irrevocably in love with her work)
Texts
(PSA for newcomers: I only recommend reads I absolutely love in this section).
The Wren, The Wren by Anne Enright. This one is heartfelt and literary and complex and also almost nothing happens in it (in the best way). It’s about a beautiful, meandering, realistic relationship between mother and daughter. I loved it.
- . This is her second book; her first – The Yellow Kitchen – is one of my absolute favourites. Breaststrokes is 'a study of womanhood, vulnerability, and the secrecy of the inner-life.’ Set over one weekend, it follows four women who share a city; over the course of five acts, the women’s lives overlap in unexpected ways. It is beautiful and relatable and slow, in the best way.
The Guest by Emma Cline. This is a unique, thoughtful, intelligent take on the ‘sad girl literature’ trope. The prose is nothing short of breathtaking. If you liked The Girls, you’ll love this.
All Fours by Miranda July. You’ve probably seen this one everywhere (it has quite an iconic cover). A semi-autobiographical novel about desire, mortality, dance, family, love. From The Guardian: ‘it’s a lesson in how to live’. It is strange, and honest, and absolutely addictive. Highly recommend.
Outline by Rachel Cusk will make you think, and also book a holiday. It is the first of hers I’ve ever read and all I can say is: yes, I understand the hype.
And finally: The Interestings by Meg Wolitzer. I will be in conversation with
about this next weekend, so keep your eyes peeled for that, but all I’ll say for now is: this is probably my top read so far of 2024. I don’t understand how it’s not a viral sensation, to be honest. It is epic and thoughtful and heartfelt and wonderfully, beautifully written. It swept me up and placed me gently, back down to earth.One final note: yes, I’m reading Sally Rooney’s new book right now. Work has been busier this week than normal so I haven’t finished it yet but rest assured: thoughts will be in-coming.
Educated By
As September was a month of rest – and relaxation – I spent less of my time learning than usual. But here are some pieces that stood out.
‘The “-ification” of Everything’ in The New Yorker is equally educative and funny as it explores the question of what ‘ification’ actually brings to a term (from the “Easter egg-ification” of celebrity beefs to the “old man-ification” of television, etc).
This week’s edition of The Guardian’s ‘photographs of the week’ is stunning.
This piece by
is the most beautiful love story. A must-read.
Saved/Savouring
I hope, this month, you’re able to slow down and embrace the dull. I hope you find it within yourself to let go of the need to sparkle, to glow – either up or down. To pull on your oldest leggings and shrug on a coat and step into this world of auburn leaves, to take one deep breath inwards and then outwards again. To meander. To let your tea go cold, and your laundry pile up. To get lost in a novel, or a conversation. To let the minutes blend into hours and forget all the ways in which you try to make yourself ‘better’ on a daily basis. To sit on benches with old friends sipping pumpkin spiced lattes or fragrant wines and notice how this is how it feels to glow, right here: to be in the presence of people you love. People who love you. Because that’s what this life is all about, right?
Until next time,
Hannah xxx
such a good perspective to start the new month 🍂
the wren the wren is looking at me on my bookshelf, waiting for me to reach for her. is this a sign lol